Which is a massive shame when you consider that on a hot scale of one to 10, she pretty much comes in at the “Oh-my-God-I-think-I-swallowed-the-sun” mark. Which is so high it’s not even a number. It’s just a load of words.
So, to fill you in, Alyssa is this month’s FHM Would Wife. She’s a hipster Playmate with a fanatical approach to selfies and a face so beautiful it shouldn’t be looked at while walking in case you trip up over your own tongue.
Here’s why you should love her with all of your beating heart:
Her celeb doppelganger is Blake Lively
Her words not ours, but we’re not going to argue with it. For two reasons: firstly, she’s kind of right and, secondly, they’re both fist-bitingly hot and the simple idea of the two of them stood near each other is so great we need a glass of water to calm down.
She even looks hot when she’s in curlers
If you can look at a girl with curlers in her hair and still think they’re absolutely gorgeous then it means you should marry her IMMEDIATELY. Now if we could just get her phone number…
Her dramatic faces are really intense and sexy
Which means that if she was the girlfriend and you came home and wanted to moan about your day, she’d be the best, and sexiest, listener ever. Just look:
She loves the same things that we love
“I love soccer!” she tells us in this month’s FHM, “I’ve always been a bit of a tomboy, and my dad played, so I’ve played ever since I was three.”
But wait, there’s more…
“I love cars, especially vintage racing and muscle cars – you can’t beat an old Ford Mustang.”
Her Instagram makes us unbelievably happy.
Here are a few highlights:
To see Alyssa in her first ever FHM shoot, get the brand new issue right now. GO GET IT!